MARRIAGE OFF-BALANCE? TRY THIS TO IMPROVE YOUR BATTING AVERAGE

​I played baseball from the age of nine through junior college. I pitched. And I remember a coach once told me that the art of pitching is keeping the batter off balance. That the essence of the game is determined by the contest between the batter and pitcher with the batter establishing balance, and the pitcher keeping the batter off balance. The game essentially comes down to that.

The degree to which the pitcher is unable to keep the batter off balance with unintentionally well-placed pitches, the more grief he and his team will experience, with more balls hit safely, more walks allowed, more men on base, more runs, and so forth.

I’ve always been a baseball fan, and this teaching has remained with me through the years. As I’ve aged, I’ve related this teaching to other aspects of life and living. The more something, anything, is balanced or orderly, the more efficient it functions. Conversely, the more off-balance or disorderly a system is, the more likely there are to be problems. 

And so it is, with marriage and relationships. The more a couple can keep the little things in balance and order, the fewer problems there will be.

While it is probably true that most couples don’t sit down in a formal manner and discuss the things that need to be discussed, and instead problem-solve on the fly, investing the energy to maybe once a month, the anniversary date of the month perhaps, to give order the attention it needs, that this can vaccinate a marriage from a divorce-seeking event going forward.

Here’s a checklist (for the serious minded) of practical steps to protect your marriage from disorder and keep it in balance:

1. Shared Vision

• Have we talked recently about our long-term goals and dreams?

• Do we agree on the direction we want our life to take?

• Have we prayed together for God’s guidance in our plans?

2. Communication

• Do we set aside regular time to talk without distractions?

• Are we quick to listen and slow to speak in conflict?

• Have we resolved any lingering arguments from the past week?

3. Finances

• Do we have a clear budget we both understand?

• Are all bills and debts up to date?

• Do we both know where our money is going each month?

4. Responsibilities

• Do we share household chores fairly?

• Have we agreed on how to handle parenting duties?

• Do we regularly check in to see if one of us feels overloaded?

5. Time Together

• Have we set aside at least one evening a week for quality time?

• Do we have shared activities we both enjoy?

• Do we regularly laugh and have fun together?

6. Spiritual Health

• Are we praying together, even briefly, each day?

• Do we attend worship services together when possible?

• Are we encouraging each other in faith and moral living?

7. Conflict Resolution

• Do we deal with disagreements promptly rather than letting them build?

• Are we willing to apologize when we are wrong?

• Do we avoid using harsh or disrespectful words?

8. Family Harmony

• Do our children see us working together as a united team?

• Are we providing a stable and predictable home life?

• Do we make family meals or activities a priority?

How to Use This Checklist:

Review it together once a month, maybe over a glass of wine.

Mark areas where you both feel strong.

Choose one or two areas that need improvement and make a small, specific plan for change.

Pray together over those areas.